Quit Calling It Medicine

September 9 Jake Irl Park, M.S.

I swore Oklahoma would be one of the last states to legalize marijuana. Unbeknownst to many, Oklahoma wanted to sue the state of Colorado for drug trafficking back in 2014.

In a strange turn of events, Oklahoma now has the second-most marijuana dispensaries in the nation per capita. I know we’re a medical state, but there’s one thing I just can’t figure out: 

Why on Earth do you people insist that we refer to it as “medicine?!” 

“BuT iT iS mEdIcInE!!” 

I know that, but you sound like a moron. I’ve known many to do this:

1.     Take a high-capacity blow torch to a dab rig equipped with a honeycomb percolator attachment and handmade bubble carb cap
2.     Drop a glob of ethanol-extracted THC-concentrate wax into a red-hot quartz banger
3.     Inhale the thick, odorous smoke from a water bong
4.     Cough for 10 minutes
5.     Tell me with a straight face (lol) that they just took their “medicine”

Marijuana is something many people consider a miracle drug, and it would be a shame to misrepresent it. If the industry and its patrons refuse to differentiate between recreational and medicinal applications, those skeptical of its efficacy will remain dubious. 

With any other “medication,” declaring one’s intent to “medicate” is odd, if not off-putting. I know how much Adderall you all are taking, and I don’t see much Instagram content about it. 

“Medicine” would be an acceptable label for an opiate painkiller prescribed post-surgery. It might feel like you’re being hugged by an angel, but its use is medicinal, nonetheless. 

If that same painkiller finds its way into a syringe and into your vein, then I’d say you’ve taken a one-way trip to Recreation Station. Off-label use of psychoactive drugs = recreational use.

With medical marijuana, there is no off-label use. The patient chooses the dose, method of ingestion, refill schedule, and can cash in on BOGOs. Marijuana is the only prescription in which ‘overdosing’ is an enticing possibility and not a horrible accident. You can’t buy chocolate-covered Xanax, but you can sure as hell buy chocolate-covered ganja. The medical marijuana industry is inherently recreational; I think we should embrace that. 

All those dab shots on Instagram with #getmedicated make me horribly uncomfortable. The same goes for all the ad campaigns about “staying medicated this [insert holiday here].” It feels deceptive, even subversive, and I think it reinforces the negative stigma surrounding the industry and its consumers. 

The truth is, we wouldn’t even have medical marijuana if it weren’t for all the recreational users. Medical marijuana was a trojan horse for those that just wanted to smoke weed, but so what? If I could frame tax evasion as a medical necessity for legal protection, I wouldn’t hesitate. To put it simply, there shouldn’t be barriers to people making their own decisions for their own health and body.

It’s not cancer patients I see on social media “medicating” with morning bong rips. It’s the stoner who got a patient recommendation for “insomnia.”

Get stoned, torched, twisted, elevated, blazed, baked, “lit,” do whatever the hell you want, but please -- I beg you -- quit calling it “medicine.” 



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